Tuesday, May 5, 2009

This is the End, My Only Friend, The End

Shamelessly stolen from NatalieDee.comMay has arrived, time flying by as quickly as ever, and here we are - my 100th blog post here on Spiral Reverie. Yes, there's nothing else of merit to discuss, nothing else going on in the world, and nothing else of real import ever happening in May.

Except for that, to estimate conservatively, we're all going to die. Me, you, ALL OF US. Because what better theme could there be for a 100th entry than a discussion of our approaching demise? There's no avoiding it, you know.

So let's find ways to cope with the imminent arrival of the reaper, who will soon wipe out all human life on Earth! (To be clear, yes, I'm talking about the pig bug everyone's afraid of. Which also happens to actually be killing some people. Which obviously only makes it an even riper subject for comical discussion.)

We're all going to die. How does that make you feel? You might consider seeing a therapist to learn the best methods to cope with these trying times, in which most people who contract the H1N1 recover just fine, almost as though this particular strain wasn't much more debilitating then the usual influenza viruses we're used to. (Shocking!) If a therapist's too much, as may well be for most in these financial crunch times, a paper bag's just as good. You can breathe into it during panic attacks. You might consider drawing a smiley face on it somewhere - ideally upside down so you could see it as you inflate the bag with your panicked exhalations - so it's kind of like seeing a therapist, or at least getting a supportive pat on the back. (Despite the fact that it is neither and you're probably dying alone.)

Nothing better to do than panic over your inevitable doom? There are better hobbies out there than wallowing in the anxiety of existential crises. Like Chinese checkers. Have you tried Chinese checkers yet? No? Yes? If that doesn't work, I'm out of suggestions.

So now you've sunk into a bottomless pit of despair. This is not my fault. You were the one looking to the "blogosphere" for relief. Since when has the internet ever been good for anything like that? Even the stock market has abandoned you. (But pork bellies seemed like a sure thing! YOU WERE WRONG.)

With nothing left but to resign yourself to the cold, unloving embrace of oblivion, what can you do? You could always keep calm like a rational adult, wash your hands, and maybe try to avoid getting coughed on by people in public. (Going out of your way to have that happen is an example of a hobby you might want not to pursue.) If all else fails, trying being too fast for it to catch you. It's possible, you know, to outrun germs. They don't want you to know that.

Sorry for the delay on this one, everybody - trying to keep myself motivated while juggling other projects still. I know this was technically about a week late, given that last week was pretty much the prime time for swine flu panic comedy.


CrazyCris said...

Of course we're all going to die! It's an inevitable fact of life, and those who don't want to accept it are just kidding themselves.

Accepting that fact is the whole point of such expressions as Carpe Diem, No Regrets, Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last etc.

And if we catch a pig cold... well so be it! :p After all, a few years ago it was all about the "revenge of the mad cows".

Hmmm... we haven't really heard any of the swine humour of here in Spain, but I did get passed along some pretty good ones from friends in Mexico. Apparently in less than a week there were over a hundred new jokes on the subject!

CrazyCris said...

oh, and I forgot to say:


Benjamin Fennell said...

Exactly. What makes me laugh is when people take "live each day as if it were your last" too far and interpret it as more or less meaning "Hey, get drunk and try to start an orgy! The world's ending!" People can often be less than brilliant. But indeed.

Exactly. I didn't worry about bird flu when that was scaring people, and when a few people in my family were shying away from beef due to Mad Cow, I opted to just keep eating it, figuring that if I was going to get it, I probably already had it, and it wasn't worth quitting burgers over. So far, that's worked out well, and the others started eating beef again eventually, anyway. We just had a nice beef and bok choy stir fry for dinner a couple of nights ago, in fact.

Granted, I don't spend a lot of time surfing much of the blogosphere, so I'm not up on everything, but I've basically just assumed that it must be on fire with swine flu jokes lately. But yeah, I'd definitely imagine the best'd come out of Mexico, considering that society's more or less ground to a halt in some ways due to panic around the illness. You'd have to have a sense of humor to get through that.

And thanks! Hopefully I'll be celebrating 100 more by sometime in 2010 or 2011. And with any luck, maybe I'll have my novel out there on bookstore shelves by then.

Lindsay Champion said...

Congratulations on your 100th post!! Woohoo! That is a feat and quite a commitment. As far as the stupid pig thing goes, I don't even care to talk about it anymore. It's too stupid for me to even focus on. I'm pretty solid in the fact that I'm going to die, but hopefully not from silly swine flu.

lindsay || newyorkwords.net

Benjamin Fennell said...

Thanks! After the sort of slow and stuttering pace in which I've been keeping up with this blog - some breaks between posts much longer than others in past years - I'm surprised I made it this far. But I'd like to eventually see the day come when I manage to break 1000+ posts. Ideally having my own domain name and such by then.

Yeah, compared to the number of infections, it's a pretty small number of people who are actually dying from swine flu. Those rates don't seem to be much different from those who die from regular flu, either. It's probably a matter of people not taking proper care of themselves and other factors. The joys of media-generated panic.

Valerie Wangnet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Benjamin Fennell said...

Hey Valerie! I'm glad you enjoyed. And it's nice to meet you. I've been needing to expand my network of fellow writers as well, so I'll be sure to check your blog out. Always a pleasure to meet a fellow aspiring professional writer.