This is the End, My Only Friend, The End

May has arrived, time flying by as quickly as ever, and here we are - my 100th blog post here on Spiral Reverie. Yes, there's nothing else of merit to discuss, nothing else going on in the world, and nothing else of real import ever happening in May.

Except for that, to estimate conservatively, we're all going to die. Me, you, ALL OF US. Because what better theme could there be for a 100th entry than a discussion of our approaching demise? There's no avoiding it, you know.

So let's find ways to cope with the imminent arrival of the reaper, who will soon wipe out all human life on Earth! (To be clear, yes, I'm talking about the pig bug everyone's afraid of. Which also happens to actually be killing some people. Which obviously only makes it an even riper subject for comical discussion.)

We're all going to die. How does that make you feel? You might consider seeing a therapist to learn the best methods to cope with these trying times, in which most people who contract the H1N1 recover just fine, almost as though this particular strain wasn't much more debilitating then the usual influenza viruses we're used to. (Shocking!) If a therapist's too much, as may well be for most in these financial crunch times, a paper bag's just as good. You can breathe into it during panic attacks. You might consider drawing a smiley face on it somewhere - ideally upside down so you could see it as you inflate the bag with your panicked exhalations - so it's kind of like seeing a therapist, or at least getting a supportive pat on the back. (Despite the fact that it is neither and you're probably dying alone.)

Nothing better to do than panic over your inevitable doom? There are better hobbies out there than wallowing in the anxiety of existential crises. Like Chinese checkers. Have you tried Chinese checkers yet? No? Yes? If that doesn't work, I'm out of suggestions.

So now you've sunk into a bottomless pit of despair. This is not my fault. You were the one looking to the "blogosphere" for relief. Since when has the internet ever been good for anything like that? Even the stock market has abandoned you. (But pork bellies seemed like a sure thing! YOU WERE WRONG.)

With nothing left but to resign yourself to the cold, unloving embrace of oblivion, what can you do? You could always keep calm like a rational adult, wash your hands, and maybe try to avoid getting coughed on by people in public. (Going out of your way to have that happen is an example of a hobby you might want not to pursue.) If all else fails, trying being too fast for it to catch you. It's possible, you know, to outrun germs. They don't want you to know that.

Sorry for the delay on this one, everybody - trying to keep myself motivated while juggling other projects still. I know this was technically about a week late, given that last week was pretty much the prime time for swine flu panic comedy.